


Hunger Only Grows

by Homestuck_Gay_Bean



Series: The Hungry and Not So Hungry Sides [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Belly Kink, Belly Rubs, Bulimia, Hurt, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I kinda sorta hate this, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Purging, Self-Harm, Stuffing, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Vomiting, Weight Gain, Weight Issues, yeeah
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-02-07 21:29:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21464824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Homestuck_Gay_Bean/pseuds/Homestuck_Gay_Bean
Summary: No one can find him. Find me. Today I'll finally do it. Until he invited me to dinner. And you cannot refuse him. He was so kind. But why should I eat. It makes the pain grow worse and worse. No one else knows what I feel.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: The Hungry and Not So Hungry Sides [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1530755
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	1. It Hurts

Remy didn't move. He barely breathed. He could be dead for all he cared. He wanted the pain to end. Didn't matter how, just for it to be over. He tried to sit up, as the nausea came back, and out came more pain over the side of his bed 

"Ngh..." That's the only noise he could make as he.dry heaved over the pile of puke. Nothing would come out if he put nothing in, right? Wrong. He couldn't stop. Acid burned at the back of his throat after his final heave. 

He curled back up, wrapped in his blankets, his sunglasses on his nightstand. A knock came at his door, one that silenced his breath. 

"Hey buddy!" Patton called cheerfully from the other side of the locked door. "If you want, I've got breakfast for you." 

Remy didn't move, dry heaving at the thought of eating. Yet, he wanted to eat. Didn't he. He wanted to let Patton in and let him hold his now frail body. And to fix it. 

He knew, it was obvious at the way Patton used to ogle him. Eyes on his every curve, made from seconds and thirds at the dinner table. It was utter bliss. 

But he decided he had to open his damn mouth. 

"I'll leave it in the fridge if you want it." Patton said sadly, walking off. But Remy wasn't paying attention to that. He was paying attention to the deodorant eating gremlin, standing in the corner of his room, eyes a light with disgusting childlike Glee. 

"Well, well, well~" Remus purred, walking closer. "The fatass finally gave up on ever living to our standards, and instead has gone off to violently puke all that enters his mouth!" 

Remy tried to ignore him, but it failed. "Remus... Just go away..." He said quickly, before dry heaving at the other sides feet. God it hurt. So, so badly...

"Why should I? There's a lovely show going on right in front of me!" He cackled, pushing Remy back into the covers, facing little to no resistance. "You've gotten so weak and sickly. Not even Patton would want you!"

Remy turned his head away, the nausea not fading this time. "Don't-" He couldn't finish the sentence as Remus covered the other sides lips with his own, kissing him passionately. 

"Don't what? My saccharine god~" The man purred, nuzzling against him. "I got ya a little something to help with the nausea. But, you have to eat your whole breakfast for.me to give you it." 

Remy nodded without a second thought, acid burning in his mouth. "Please..." Remus nodded, holding the others face in his hand. 

"They're worried, y'know." He said simply, before materializing the plate of food Patton had left for the man. "Wow, he really stacks your plates."

Remy blushed dark, coloring against his pale skin. "Just get this over with.... It hurts..."

"I know, hot stuff, but I'm gonna fix it~" Remus scraped up a forkful of eggs, before starting the long and tedious process of feeding the insomniac. 

\- - -

"Hng..." Remy whined, finishing off the plate, his sunken stomach almost flat now. 

"Good job." Remus hummed, kissing him quickly. Suddenly all of the nausea Remy was feeling was gone entirely. "Rest now. You deserve it!" Remus then disappeared. 

"Thanks..." Mumbled Remy, passing out.


	2. Ouch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pain relief is temporary. Never gone forever. Trust me. I know for a fact.
> 
> Why am I here. Why won't I just die already. Can't keep down for more than an hour. It ends up on the floor for him to clean up when he comes. 
> 
> I don't want to go back.

The wind whistled around him, flowing cold into his bones, covered only by a shawl Virgil got him for Christmas. 

"It's time..." He mumbled, dropping the shawl onto the roof. "Finally time..." 

Emotions course through him, scaring him. Did he truly want this? Want to die? Alone and unhappy? 

Of course he did! He wouldn't have gone through all this trouble, fixing himself, to do nothing! 

He walked forward, taking that final step. 

And that's when everything went black. 

\- - - 

Remus stared out the window, bored out of his mind. Deceit was sleeping off his latest meal, and even then, he was growing so damn slowly it was boring. He saw a shape, fly past his window on the third floor. 

"What the-" His eyes widened at the realization that Remy, was falling. 

"REMY!!!" He yelled, teleporting out of the window, going after his friend. He laughed at the rush, staring down at him. He was much thinner than last time. Scarily thin. He turned, seeing Remus above him. 

"Remus? What are-" He choked, his eyes rolling back. 

The other man quickly teleported once again, landing on the couch. No one was around. It was just them. 

"Remy!" Remus hissed, shaking him by the shoulders. "What the hell were you thinking?"

Remy shivered in his arms, not ready to respond quite yet. But it was him. He failed. He fucking failed, because Remus stopped him. 

A smack rang through the room, Remy escaping from his arms. "Why did you do that!!" He screamed, eyes wide with hurt.

"You could have died!!!" Remus reasoned, trying to come close once more. "You scared the living hell out of me!"

"Why should you care, I'm useless!" He hissed, feeling dizzy. He hadn't eaten in a while, instead opting to fill up on water. Tears filled his eyes. "I just wanted the pain to end..."

Remus' gaze softened, moving to hold him in his arms awkwardly. He didn't usually do this. Emotions were never really his thing. "Death won't stop it. You'll be brought back. Thomas needs you."

Remy nodded, looking pitiful. Which, wasn't like him. He was all sass, and power. Why should he submit to this. "I'm gonna make sure you sleep." At that moment, an invitation popped up in front of the both of them. 

When they tapped them, they played a recording. "Hey, kiddos! I hope you're excited, because I'm inviting you to dinner! I'm gonna make everyone's favorites!" The floating Patton head cheered. "Please come!" 

Remus' recording ended, while Remy's kept playing. "Remy, please come. We're worried about you. And, well... I know you were feeling bad about your weight. Your moral was so very low... But, don't worry. There will be a little something to change your mind about it. Or, let me say, a little someone's." 

He stopped to giggle at that idea, his cheeks flushing. "We truly love you, no matter what."

Remus turned from the message to Remy, seeing him crying. "Why?" He asked simply, looking confused. 

Remy laughed, scowling at himself. "Because he doesn't realize he wants something that makes me want to kill myself." He said, staring straight at the other man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeks, next chapter is the dinner, and the chapter after that is time again. 
> 
> Also, I do not have a partner to write with anymore, if you want to, message me.


	3. Here we are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton has invited everyone to nice dinner. 
> 
> But how was it from Remy's perspective?

Remy quaked in his room. He wasn't excited. Everyone was gonna see how disgusting he was, as he ate.

Remus left. Deceit was waking up, so he went to the one he truly cared about.

It didn't hurt. At least that's what he told himself as he stepped out of his room.

Sounds emanated from their dining room, and it was quite obvious everyone was already there. It wasn't too late. He could turn back!

"... No..." He croaked, putting his hands over his face. "Patton wants you to come! just... Go..."

He forced himself to walk forward, shaking all over from anxiety and the cold. He walked in. Sat down. "Thanks for inviting me Patton." He said with a fake yawn. Fake nonchalance. Cold sitting in his bones. Go through the motions. You can make it.

"No problem kiddo. It's been a while since "all" of us have had dinner together. Wanted to make it special."

Pretend to listen. Pretend to smile. Notice the new things. Take it all in. 

Patton was obviously talking, but Remy couldn't hear him.

Pretend to eat. Shift it around. And starve. 

Until *he* spoke up.

*Ahem*. Remy, would you like to try some of this Caramel Hot Chocolate and Caprese salad?" Logan said, smiling gently and carefully. 

Shake your head? No, Patton can see. 

"I guess a little wouldn't hurt..." He mumbled, reaching forward for a bit of it.

"Of course it won't. It would instead, help you, Remy."

Ignore him! 

Speak with Patton. It's safe! He won't judge. 

"Do they know?" He mouthed at Patton.

Patton shook his head, glancing at Logan. "Except him." The side mouthed back.

Nibble on a tomato. Maybe it's enough.

"So boring, isn't it? Just waiting for everyone to catch onto your little idea. Bet you had to spell it out for Logan." Deceit chuckled

His voice broke Remy back out of his trance, glancing down at the fattened snake.

Something nudge Remy from the other side of the table. It was Remus. "Are you okay?" He asked quietly.

He shook his head.

"No one has caught on to you trying to fatten as much of us up as you could. Remy wasn't good enough. So you ignored him, letting him grow stressed and restless as you pushed food towards the rest of us." He continued, not falsifying a thing, glancing under the table. "You may speak now, Remus."

Remus rematerialized next to his Master, smiling wide. "We all know Remy looked better before!"

"Well... He certainly seemed happier..." Virgil mumbled.

"I agree." Patton and Logan said at the same time, tones of voice much differently.

"Why, I thought he was quite handsome!" Roman smiled wide, eyes on Remy.

All eyes went to Remy, his face expressing queasiness.

"I...." He started, sweating. "I need to go."

"No-" Patton yelled reaching for him, his hands swiping through air.

\---

He stood on the roof, ready to jump more than ever. Tears streaming down his face.

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit this was a lot. I wrote this with help from my own issues, but I hope y'all liked it.


End file.
